Kahn Man intros live show, new bumpers

One of the many obligations of fake celebrity is to record brief promotional audio segments, known in the trade as bumpers, for needy podcast and radio show hosts, themselves trapped in the happy delusion of fake celebrity.

Your assignment: Create a bumper that will be clever, relevant and brief, plugging whatever it is that you do while displaying an enthusiasm for the show you’re acknowledging with your fake-celebrity presence. Continue reading

Posted in: Dementia at 4:41 pm Wed, May 23, 2007.

You can’t tuna whitefish

The Schnauzer Logic gang is doing a show about death, and the cheery subject provides a good excuse to drop in my song, If They Found Me Dead.

The theme arose from SL’s recent interest in New York Times obituaries authored by Margalit Fox, whose favorite topic in the whole wide world has proven to be posthumous profiles of Jewish whitefish vendors.

Speaking of fish, here’s a timely verse in my maudlin melody: Continue reading

Posted in: Podcast Roundup at 10:48 pm Tue, May 22, 2007.

More Ken Tur-zetz-ky

There’s an aphorism in show business — maybe you’ve heard it — that reads: I don’t care what you say about me, just make sure you mangle my name!

Big Phil of Big Phil’s Love Parade and I have this thing going on. See, Phil plays one of my songs, or just plugs my Web site, and in the process, gleefully identifies me as Ken Tur-zetz-ky.

He really hammers on that zetz-ky, too. Hits the syllable hard. You’ve gotta admire the guy for his passion. In fact, I was just about to go with Hank Shiffman’s “Turetzky Syndrome” idea as sort of a brand identification, but now I’m seriously thinking about “Tur-zetz-ky.” Continue reading

Posted in: Podcast Roundup at 10:18 pm Wed, May 9, 2007.

My Massimo Ass Itches

Neil Dixon’s all over the shrinking Cadbury creme egg and coffee bar patrons who insist on ordering a “Large” when the menu clearly indicates “Massimo” as the preferred choice.

But that’s why God made podcasts, so those of us who are bugged by stuff will have a place to “Vente.”

Neil concludes his coffee rant with a little My Fat Ass Itches, struggles mightily with “Turetzky” (I’m assembling a greatest hits collection of famous mispronunciations) and generously declares my song “a great blues track which I can’t play on 212Blues.” Continue reading

Posted in: Podcast Roundup at 12:18 pm Mon, May 7, 2007.

Stuffed Morris

I’m glad I have at least one nice song around to offer to nice podcasts such as Theresa’s fledgling Knitting Time Together.

This week, Theresa played The Ballad Of Morris The Cat as a tribute to her undersupervised pet Franky, who somehow survived a shocking incident where he stuck his head inside a bottle.

“This is The Ballad of Morris The Cat, by Ken Tur-zee-ky?” Theresa offers, contributing yet another novel pronunciation of my last name to the expanding list. Continue reading

Posted in: Podcast Roundup at 6:15 pm Sun, May 6, 2007.