So many ways to Die

I wrote I’ll Get Old And Die as a protest against the myriad misfortunes that may befall us as we approach the inevitable.

Tom Rockwell, front man for Sudden Death and host of Manic Mondays, released a new song on the FuMPcalled Getting Old Sucks that essentially protests the basic theme of my song.

But we’re both trumped by the dark, dark humor of The Flu Pandemic, an otherwise bright little ditty by Houston Celtic/folk band The Flying Fish Sailors.

Once you’ve heard the chorus, you’ll be singing along like me: Continue reading

Posted in: Dementia at 3:31 pm Tue, Jul 31, 2007.

Raising hell with Snowball and Fuzzy

I don’t like cats, or even, to quote the old joke, people named Katz!

And yet, I find myself housesitting for a week with a pair of adorable, fluffy little kittens. I must admit, they’re so cute, the way they’re into everything, all the time.

Their unrelenting obsessions, with shoelaces, the kitchen sink, bathroom towels, napkins, drinking glasses, plastic bags, electrical cords, pens and pencils, my socks, with everything but their own cat toys, are so adorable. Continue reading

Posted in: Dementia at 3:02 pm Mon, Jul 30, 2007.

I’ll Get Old And Die — Again and Again

The flesh-eating zombie rats are running wild at Snark Infested Waters, where science fiction and fantasy join radio mysteries, Jesus and death as favorite preoccupations of host Taylor Kent.

The current episode — and likely the last until 2008 as Kent begins a hiatus — features Brian Keene reading from his upcoming novel Dead Sea, which begins:

I didn’t shoot the bitch until she started eating Alan’s face.

Kent previously played my songs The Ballad Of Morris The Cat and If They Found Me Dead in January and April, respectively. Continue reading

Posted in: Podcast Roundup at 4:23 pm Sun, Jul 29, 2007.

Summer of Not So Much Love

It’s Summer Of Not So Much Love week on Schnauzer Logic, and with three members of the regular cast occupied elsewhere, I’m provided extra time to spin my failed bits and pointless stories.

I open with my own emulation of Albert Brooks’s mock eulogy for Mort Sahl (you had to be there, and unfortunately, I wasn’t) and emboldened by the desperate laughter (they had no more guests) of host Robin Goldstein and panelist Sheri Stevens, attempt even more humiliating and obscure celebrity impersonations. Continue reading

Posted in: Interviews at 7:21 pm Sat, Jul 28, 2007.

Keeping the fun alive

This week, Big Phil continues his darkly satirical assault on the Bush Administration and other renegade institutions, and produces a brand new mispronunciation of my name.

“That was Ken Tur-etz-y,” Phil declares after playing my new song, I’ll Get Old And Die. “Did I pronounce it correctly? Probably.”

Previously, Phil has contributed Tur-zetz-ky to the lexicon of Turetzky alternatives.

Phil doesn’t give a crap, and that’s what I like about him. Get a load of the close, where he delivers his show notes over background music provided by brother Clay Thompson, whose electric “Cool Talker” almost demands the return of cheesy ’70s porn. Continue reading

Posted in: Podcast Roundup at 7:44 pm Thu, Jul 26, 2007.