Shawno, Jen, call for end to gay rule

Podcast: Hyper Nonsense
Date: July 5, 2008
Title: America Day
Download the show: HN 118

California burned again this summer. But don’t blame global warming, drought conditions and an abundance of dry tinder, said Hyper Nonsense co-hosts Shawno and Jen, who live in San Luis Obispo.

Blame the gays.

“This must be Jesus’ punishing us,” said Shawno, in a stark turnaround from his familiar, left-of-center political opinions. “You sure it’s not God sending us a message for letting the gays get married?

I’ll get you, gays!

“The gays! I’ll get you, gays!” Shawno vowed. “When that finally happens, I’ll know we’ve made some progress in this country.”

“Yeah, probably,” Jen agreed.

The podcast hosts, who are married to each other, went on to attack what they apparently see as a lesbian plot to impregnate themselves through sperm donors and populate the earth with “crazy bullshit armies.”

“You know, you can only have sex for procreation and all of that kinda stuff,” Shawno declared, with Jen insisting, “This is the majority of the United States’ view!”

Shawno’s diatribe grew in intensity.

“Lesbians can go borrow some sperm….”

“And that’s what they want!” Jen chimed in.

Jen knows something

“These nutjobs can go out and have 20 kids. They can just keep building their crazy bullshit armies,” Shawno continued.

“So why the hell are they getting so much say?” a frustrated Jen asked.

Finally, Shawno sighed. “Shit, we’re never getting rid of these guys,” he said, appearing to give up the fight.

But Jen picked up the banner, and with a chilling laugh, appeared to suggest knowledge of a plan to turn the tide against the crazy bullshit armies of married lesbian sperm recipients.

“Ha ha ha ha ha ha!” Jen cried. “Wrong!”

Chasing Keith and The Girl

So why this sudden reactionary outburst from the Hyper Nonsense duo?

Favorably compared in the past to old-line radio hosts Bob and Betty Sanders, could Shawno and Jen be struggling for traction against edgier male-female podcast teams such as Keith and The Girl and Dawn and Drew?

Audiences are shocked, shocked!

More Morris

I’m not a lesbian, so I don’t really care. As far as I’m concerned, Hyper Nonsense redeemed itself with a fourth play (since its debut on HN 024 in August 2006), of my song The Ballad Of Morris The Cat.

And by the way, this entire post is satire. Sure, Shawno and Jen said all that stuff, but I cleverly edited their program in order to make them look like radical anti-gay California nutjobs.

But nobody ever reads this far into any of my blog posts, so I’m not worried about getting busted.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

We’re gonna kill some terrorists, bitch!  (1:23).

Posted in: Podcast Roundup at 3:40 pm Mon, Jul 28, 2008.

3 comments

1. 

   Shawno says:
   

   4:00 am Tue, Jul 29, 2008

   Once again the impeccable nature of Turetzky journalism shines through.

   Reply
2. 

   Big Phil says:
   Twitter: @bigphilsparade

   8:28 am Fri, Nov 7, 2008

   I’m glad to see Ken spreads the love.

   I thought I was the only podcaster he loved to torment.

   Reply
3. 

   Ken Turetzky says:
   

   11:38 am Fri, Nov 7, 2008

   No need to thank me.

   This is what I do, and I’m good at it.

   Reply