Google sez I’m tops in Commedy music!

I used to try to write good content for my site, but that was before I discovered SEO.

SEO, sometimes called Search Engine Optimization, is a magical tool that uses words to trick Google into thinking your Web site is important. As a result, thousands of people visit your site and you get spectacularly rich.

It’s just that simple.

Now, regular people like me lack the skills to exploit SEO to best advantage. We must consult Twitter to find SEO specialists, or, as Hyper Nonsense co-host Shawno Gordo calls them, SEO social marketing expert genius douchebags.

Bad spellers welcome

Even without SEO, though, my site has proved quite popular for some very valuable search terms — especially among people who can’t spell.

For instance (these are actual search terms visitors used to reach my site), turetzkysyndrome.com is No. 1 among 42.3 million sites on AOL and Google for the phrase Commedy music.

Alas, spell “comedy” correctly and my site drops to No. 6. Still lands me on Page One, though!

Thanks to the rich content in posts such as this one, I’m No. 1 on Google for comedy music podcast and No. 2 for how to write a comedy song and morris the cat 9 lives song lyrics.

The term shit dont stink song delivers a 1-2 punch, and I’m No. 1 for big purple asses, No. 2 for cheesy porn music and No. 5 for fat ass from howard stern.

I’m also tops for Texaco Lunchbox, Dallas Band, referencing the short-lived group featuring me and Brandon Higgins. If we only knew we had a fan, we might never have quit.

Abu Dhabi down with the fat ass

My blog is an international phenomenon as well, placing first among stutterers on Google UK for I, I, I, got a hole in my head and I don’t know what to do with it. Google Japan lists me second for I’VE GOT A HOLE IN MY HEAD, referencing my popular song of the same name.

Most impressive, though, is the appeal I hold for repressed (I’m presuming, male) Middle Easterners, tormented by the hidden charms beneath those oh-so-sexy burkhas.

Popular search terms include, from Alexandria, Al Iskandariyah, Egypt, Fill My Fat Ass; from Ar Riyad, Riyadh, Saudi Arabia, fat hairy ass; and from Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates, big fat ass woman.

Who would have known? I write one song called My Fat Ass Itches and the world comes calling.

On reflection, I don’t need those silly old SEO weasels. In fact, I just might go into business for myself. You want to rank for big fat ass? I’m your douchebag!

Posted in: News at 2:23 pm Tue, Jun 23, 2009.

17 comments

1. 

   Ben Twisted says:
   Twitter:

   5:30 pm Tue, Jun 23, 2009

   OL. Hey, I might be bumpin you off that top spot for “big purple asses”.

   You’ll see why soon enough. :)

   Reply
   • 

     kturet says:
     

     6:09 pm Tue, Jun 23, 2009

     There’s only room for one Purple Asses sheriff in this town, Ben Twisted, and I’m him!

     Although it sounds like you’ve got a new song in the works. Or perhaps another Get-Rich-Quick scheme.

     Looking forward to it!
2. 

   Big Phil says:
   Twitter:

   8:41 pm Tue, Jun 23, 2009

   Don’t forget Bizarro Phil.

   Reply
   • 

     kturet says:
     

     8:29 pm Tue, Jun 23, 2009

     Thanks for the correction, Big Phil.

     Credit is due Bizarro Phil, who has declared to be one of the greatest threats facing our nation.

     I understand Bizarro Phil is working closely with Dick Cheney to neutralize this danger.
   • 

     Big Phil says:
     Twitter:

     8:43 pm Tue, Jun 23, 2009

     I didn’t get a picture of the Joker hair. I wish I had, Melissa wanted to see it too.

 

Twitter comments

1. linksgoogle (Links About Google) says:
   

   4:28 pm Tue, Jun 23, 2009

   Twitter Comment
   

   
   SEO weasels be damned: Google sez I’m tops in ‘Commedy’ music!: I used to try to write good content for my site,.. [link to post]

   –

   Reply
2. shawno (Shawn) says:
   

   8:12 pm Tue, Jun 23, 2009

   Twitter Comment
   

   
   Excellent #seo relevant #blog post from @kturet that (most importantly) mentions me: [link to post]

   –

   Reply
3. vansunder (David van Sunder) says:
   

   9:05 pm Tue, Jun 23, 2009

   Twitter Comment
   

   
   @kturet OK, that’s just hilarious. But now I finally have someone I can trust when I have SEO questions for strange keywords…

   –

   Reply
4. erkpod (Erk) says:
   

   9:08 pm Tue, Jun 23, 2009

   Twitter Comment
   

   
   @shawno The S in SEO stands for Shawno, surely! ;)

   –

   Reply
5. Grizzlysgrowls (David Grizzly Smith) says:
   

   10:11 pm Tue, Jun 23, 2009

   Twitter Comment
   

   
   @erkpod Ever try a Google search for “Grizzly podcast?” Wanna talk SEO? ;-)

   –

   Reply
6. vansunder (David van Sunder) says:
   

   11:08 pm Tue, Jun 23, 2009

   Twitter Comment
   

   
   @kturet I know of your associate. I will consider contacting him in eventuality of you being absent in time of dire need of SEO witchcraft.

   –

   Reply
7. erkpod (Erk) says:
   

   11:09 pm Tue, Jun 23, 2009

   Twitter Comment
   

   
   @Grizzlysgrowls Cant say that I have Googled you.

   –

   Reply
8. Grizzlysgrowls (David Grizzly Smith) says:
   

   12:10 am Wed, Jun 24, 2009

   Twitter Comment
   

   
   @erkpod Oddly enough, if you Google “Grizzly podcast,” my shows come up first. Don’t know why. Didn’t do a thing to accomplish that.

   –

   Reply
9. erkpod (Erk) says:
   

   1:06 am Wed, Jun 24, 2009

   Twitter Comment
   

   
   @Grizzlysgrowls That’s good, right?

   –

   Reply
10. Grizzlysgrowls (David Grizzly Smith) says:
    

    3:11 am Wed, Jun 24, 2009

    Twitter Comment
    

    
    @erkpod So I’d imagine. Seems like one a them SEO thingies people do, or try to accomplish. If someone searches for “Grizzly podcast.”

    –

    Reply
11. erkpod (Erk) says:
    

    4:10 am Wed, Jun 24, 2009

    Twitter Comment
    

    
    @Grizzlysgrowls You wouldnt believe how some people search unless you see the stats.

    –

    Reply
12. swhitley (Shannon Whitley) says:
    

    7:05 pm Wed, Jun 24, 2009

    Twitter Comment
    

    
    @kturet The next version of Chat Catcher (coming in a few days) will support threaded comments.

    –

    Reply