Twitter nets Turetzky Twestival nod

Facebook has turned out to be one big-assed mistake. People are using it to track me down — guys from school, girls I used to know, folks I worked with, my landlord….

How was I supposed to know this was going to happen? I thought Facebook was like MySpace, without all the crappy graphics. I figured I could throw a few guitar comedy songs up there and attract a whole new audience of strangers who don’t already know what an asshole I am. I’m done with Facebook. Continue reading

Posted in: Gigs at 6:33 pm Fri, Feb 6, 2009.

Jammin’ with The Ugly Guys

I’ve always enjoyed watching TV sitcoms, because the people in them are just like me — they never seem to go to work.

The Ugly Guys are particular role models, because they’re 40-ish, emotionally stunted and dedicated to the principle that one lucky lottery ticket, or its equivalent get-rich-quick scheme, can compensate for a lifetime of irresponsibility. Continue reading

Posted in: Gigs at 2:45 pm Mon, Dec 15, 2008.

It’s my turn, FDM!SOM!

You know what? A lot of times when I attend the Free Dallas Music! Songwriters’ Open Mic at the Half Price Books flagship store, I have to sit there like a lox in the Community Room and watch some other half-baked guitar player perform as the featured act.

All the attention’s on that other person, not on me. He (or she) gets the girls. I don’t get any girls.

Well, not this show, pardner. This show, I’ll be the featured performer at FDM!SOM, from 7-9 p.m. CDT Thursday, August 7, at Half Price Books, 5803 E. Northwest Highway in Dallas. Call (214) 379-8000 for more details. Continue reading

Posted in: Gigs at 4:36 am Thu, Jul 31, 2008.

Ham Bone Express smokes Mayfest field

I think what happened was, the organizers of Mayfest 2008 needed a headliner for the Zone Stage, the one between the the bouncy castle and the Dodge Ball Dome, downwind from the Ham Bone Express.

Just about that time, my CD came in. You know my CD, Look What I Made!, the one with the picture on the cover of the little girl holding the fake poop?

Gotta be kids’ music, right? There’s a 3-year-old on the cover of the album! Never mind the track titles on the back, My Fat Ass Itches and Her Shit Don’t Stink. We have our show! Continue reading

Posted in: Gigs at 1:23 pm Sun, Jun 1, 2008.

See me perform Friday, May 2, at Mayfest!

Ever have one of those dreams where you’re in a classroom and you’ve got a test paper on the desk in front of you, and you knew there was going to be a test but you hadn’t studied?

And then you wake up from the dream to realize with great relief that you’re not in a classroom at all, but in fact you are onstage in front of 5,000 people and you are stark naked?

In lieu of practice, this describes my professional approach to Mayfest 2008 at Trinity Park in Fort Worth, where I’ll be performing from 8-9 p.m. CDT Friday, May 2, on the Zone Stage. Continue reading

Posted in: Gigs at 4:56 pm Tue, Apr 29, 2008.