Steve van Gelder is more than just a double for and Howard Stern Show favorite Robert Schimmel.

Separated at birth: Steve van Gelder (l) and Bob Schimmel

In fact, he’s a versatile and accomplished talent who’s achieved notice as a tasteful Canuck rocker, and self-hating corporate .

Now, Steve is following the lead of other indie musicians who have given up on making money with their art by dumping his entire catalog on the Web via his new site, .

A history in music

Steve’s oeuvre includes six albums, ranging from 1992′s (recorded in Steve’s native Toronto) to the 2008 Dallas solo production .

In between, Steve released three Joe Fool albums, (1996), (2000) and (2001) and teamed with Dallas pals Brandon Higgins (of Kicked In The Nuts fame) and Charlie Begue as the Karolinas for (2004).

Steve’s perhaps most notable, however, for his oversized acrylic on wood art work Love Hurts, featuring my own stylized portrait, adorned with an audaciously bleeding heart.

Sample a few SVG tracks here. Then visit for a whole lot more.

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Schnauzer Logic: Mort Sahl = intellectual crack

Schnauzer Logic,

Date: April 12, 2007

Full episode:

Summary: is the cool, cerebral comic, a man whose brand of social and political commentary only went out of style when Americans decided they’d rather shop at the mall than question authority.

It’s a wonder a guy like that was ever in style.

“You’re right about the line shifting,” Sahl told Schnauzer Logic host Robin Goldstein. “It’ll get closer until you won’t be able to say anything, and you’ll forget what you believed in. Because you’re afraid of getting your throat cut.”

He recounted “the great American disclaimer — my opinions are not necessarily my own.”

Opinions just get people in trouble

Or better to have no opinions at all. Witness a frightened Rich Little, the sacrificial entertainer at Saturday’s , serving up crude Osama jokes along with the flop sweat. “Is the President laughing?” Little asked rhetorically.

Sahl first walked onstage at the in San Francisco in 1953 and began to talk about the stories in the San Francisco Examiner. He made the cover of , wrote speeches for John F. Kennedy, and most agreed he was very funny until suddenly, he wasn’t funny. He was just a sharp-tongued pain in the ass.

“I think if Mort represents anything to me, it’s that first voice that says, Let’s speak truth to power,” said Sean Meehan, in studio with Robin.

“We’re stuck in the middle of the keyboard like !,” Sahl said, working in a razor-sharp jazz reference. “There’s not a lot of devastating, wicked political satire that draws blood. The idea’s to sell you the myth that it’s dangerous to think for yourself, when in fact it’s the only hope!”

Target: Richard E. Nixon

“It starts with deep belief. Kennedy said to me once, ‘We started this thing because my father could afford it. And once I met (Richard) Nixon, it became like the Holy Grail!’”

So here’s why Sahl, who will turn 80 on May 11, still takes the stage with a copy of the New York Times (his current news Bible):

“Performers always succeed when they say what’s on the unconscious mind of the audience. The audience knows all this is true but they’re not poets and they don’t know how to say it!

“You’re supposed to be able to do that or you shouldn’t be on the stage addressing them. If they’re smarter than you, you shouldn’t even be there!”

The hits keep coming

Sahl, notably absent from popular media during the past few decades, was clearly pleased with the opportunity to exchange ideas with the Schnauzer Logic Morning Zoo. And the giddy hosts were justifiably delighted with their guest.

“The more you talk, the more you want to to talk,” Robin said. “This is kind of like intellectual crack!”

Speaking truth to power  (0:53).

Mort’s first political joke  (0:16).

The unconscious mind of the audience  (0:16).

America’s stuck like Brubeck  (0:38).

The line is shifting  (0:11).

My opinions are not necessarily my own  (0:21).

The myth of dependence  (0:16).

JFK and Nixon  (0:35).

What’s ‘excuse me’?  (1:18).

Mort’s like intellectual crack  (0:27).

Mort hears the name Ken Turetzky  (0:14).

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Weird Al Yankovic isn’t the only nerdy white guy who owes his funny music career to Dr. Demento. A whole generation of geeky musicians, with names such as Worm Quartet, The Great Luke Ski and Dino-Mike, get played not just by Dr. Demento, but also by hard-working Internet radio hosts Tyrone Kahn and David Tanny.

Tyrone Kahn (left) at work

Someday I’ll ask whether he’s heartened or bedeviled by the corps of eccentric Internet radio hosts he’s inspired to carry forth the flickering flame of funny music.

Uber-geeky by nature, they’re nevertheless devoted to Dementia and the like-minded artists who have found a welcoming audience on the Web and in the nerd network of sci-fi and comic book conventions.

David Tanny of is one such host, programming 24 hours of comedy songs on his Live 365 channel. While David prefers a tamer, family-friendly brand of Demented music (and in fact banned Her Shit Don’t Stink from DFSX), he championed and other songs before I ever cracked Dr. Demento’s playlist.

David Tanny gets dee-mented!  (0:25).

Kahnman cues cat show

If you enjoy David’s style, you’ll thrill to the frenetic delivery of Tyrone Kahn, whose appears at 7 p.m. and 10 p.m. CDT every Wednesday on DFSX. The February 7 show will feature , as well as Cat Hair Everywhere from , the Dallas artist who produced my EP.

Tyrone (named for movie star Tyrone Power) first began broadcasting the “Dr. Tyrone” show from his bedroom when he was a kid in Baja Beverly Hills, Calif., spinning Steve Martin and Weird Al Yankovic records. On weekends, he listened to Dr. Demento on the now-defunct KMET 94.7 in Los Angeles.

“I love comedy music. I’ve been inspired by Dr Demento. He’s the reason why I do this show,” Tyrone says.

Tyrone is so devoted to the music that he once delayed heart surgery to attend the annual . He’s comfortable in the presence of Weird Al, but the iconic Dr. Demento throws him for a loop. “When you meet somebody that big, you kinda get tongue-tied or you talk too fast,” he says.

Coming soon: Kahnmanapalooza

Dino-Mike

Still inspired by Dr. D but determined to carve out his own comedy music space, Tyrone breaks unreleased songs from musicians such as , whose upcoming album will feature a track recorded in studio during the Kahnman show.

He’s seeking a venue for the first Kahnmanapalooza (rejecting my suggested “Kahnman Con,” a play on the sci-fi conventions that double as unofficial funny music venues), a live show set for July to be headlined by Demento artists and .

Tyrone also calls me regularly with updates on his parodies-in-progress, “Let Me Pee” and “Man With The Runs”. (“Why don’t you write like that?” taunts listener Seth Pybas, taking a swipe at Her Shit Don’t Stink. “Sounds like you and him are the Rodgers & Hammerstein of potty songs.”)

Mazel Tov!

But happiest of all, Tyrone and bride-to-be Rebecca will be married in a traditional Jewish ceremony on Sunday, Feb. 11. Tyrone’s Demento faves, the , will entertain at the reception. Guests will include Grant Baciocco (pictured with Tyrone above), lead singer of .

A brief honeymoon at Disneyland will follow, and then it’s back to the funny music grind.

“I think there is a lot of hope for comedy music artists. As long as DFSX stays on the Internet, you guys will have an outlet for comedy music,” Tyrone says.

“The more people I get for my show, the more popular it’s going to become. That’s my goal, to get a lot more listeners. I want to get as many (Kahnman) fans as Dr. Demento. I don’t know if it’s gonna happen, but that’s a good start.”

Tyrone Kahn introduces TWAVGD  (0:34).

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Higgins

Brandon Higgins slammed his wedding ring down on the Winedale Tavern bar and declared his marriage had reached an impenetrable impasse. “If you don’t leave with me now, then we’re finished,” he demanded, glaring at his wife of nearly six months through dead, drunken eyes.

Alysen, skinny, tattooed, pierced and pretty, returned her husband’s gaze with a satisfied grin. “I think you need to get back to the motel and go to sleep,” she told Brandon. “I’m not quite ready to leave yet.”

A marriage dissolves; a song is born

Once again, I was caught in the middle of a domestic dispute. That’s what happens when you’re still single and hanging out with married people. This time, I watched a breakup play out in public as almost-newlyweds Brandon and Alysen dissolved their marriage during what was meant to be a recreational, intoxicated jaunt from their heavily mortgaged new home in Waco to their favorite old beer joint in Dallas.

A few weeks later, a lawyered-up Brandon drove back to Dallas alone, ADAT stashed in the back of his pickup, and recorded my harmonica part for his autobiographical new song, Kicked In The Nuts. You can find the song in the music player at right. Please listen, and post a comment below.

In hindsight, Brandon said, “I realize now that people just don’t change. People just do not change,” thus revealing a fact that is new to him but widely known by the rest of the world.

This ain’t the same bet I thought I had made

Kicked In The Nuts is a drinkin’ song. Brandon likes to drink, and as a songwriter, he follows the reliable maxim, Write what you know:

Kicked in the nuts  (0:55).

About a year ago, Brandon and I enjoyed a profitable run as a two-man band called Texaco Lunchbox, with me on guitar and harmonica and Brandon on drums. We were mostly horrible, but briefly found a champion in a drunken bar manager/unemployed former L.A. actor named Ruben Randall, who resembled a tall Dana Carvey made up in eye shadow and stocking cap.

Texaco Lunchbox rocks the Looneybin

Ruben ran a cavernous place on Greenville Avenue called PK Living Room, advertised as a “bohemian art bar” but, thanks to the aged, funereal Eastern European couple who owned the place, actually a hangout for street characters, troubled military veterans and musicians who’d worn out their welcome everywhere else. “Psycho Killer Looney Bin,” Brandon nicknamed the place.

“You have a writing style that is both dry and wet at the same time, and you have a deadpan vocal style that reminds me of blah-blah and so-and-so,” Ruben told me as Brandon and I happily soaked up the flattery along with free bottled Budweiser. “And you’re so humble about it.” (“That’s not humility,” I answered, but not out loud. “It’s poor self-esteem.”)

We gigged steadily at the Looney Bin for a couple of months, until the place abruptly closed following the annual St. Patrick’s Day blowout. The club owners blocked off the street and passed out fistfuls of green bead necklaces. Texaco Lunchbox played the outdoor stage, tossing green army men, pot scrubbers, chewing gum and other cheap crap to an unwilling crowd. “You ready to party? You ready to rock and roll?” we shouted. “Then what the hell are you doing at our show?”

Brandon left at mid-set to spew a gutload of Budweiser foam onto the sidewalk. “Dude! Now I have room for more beer!” he said. I introduced Brandon as the city’s most accomplished beer bulimic.

‘We’re basically self-defeating creatures’

Brandon still lives in Waco, where he works as a plumber, and is planning a move to Austin. He claims he’s almost finished with his Kerouac-ian first novel, If I Could Just Walk, titled after a song by New Orleans band Flatware and emulating the style of Brandon’s favorite alcoholic author.

“We’re basically self-defeating creatures. Some of us recognize that and run with it; others don’t have a clue,” Brandon said.

And another thing Brandon said:

And another:

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, primary purveyor of the “North of Watford” sound that originates from his hometown outside of London, England, has produced not one, but two covers of the comedy blues tune My Fat Ass Itches.

Chris Wilkinson (center) and bandmates

reached No. 3 on syndicated comedy radio host “Funny Five” during April 2005 and appears as the lead track on my EP, It became a staple of a weekly long-distance jam session between Chris and friend Lia De Reis after Lia caught the tune on the Web.

Lia lives in Hawaii, and the two connect each weekend via MSN Web Messenger to play music together. Chris’s live session recording yields a distant, plaintive sound, as if he’s accompanying a late-1920s Paramount blues record, and the record’s talking back to him. Listen to Chris and Lia perform My Fat Ass Itches in the player at right.

Next, Chris recorded My Fat Ass Itches in studio with bandmate laying down an electric blues guitar lead. Listen at right.

As a songwriter and vocalist, Chris combines touches of Eric Idle and Peter Noone to produce clever comedy songs such as “I Just Can’t Leave Your Wife”, “Mail Order Bride” and “My Plastic Surgeon Was Pablo Picasso”. Listen to them on .

You can also preview two of Chris’s recent singles in the player at right. “Drinking For England” (recorded as Athletico Volume Internazionale), timed for the upcoming , is a poignant view of life from the barroom floor, looking up.

Chris invited me to contribute harmonica to “The Homicidal Maniac’s Song”, and the result is available here. The song features Andrew King on acoustic lead and issues a plea for reason in a world gone mad. Or something like that.

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