Stop flapping; it's not funny

Podcast: Edinburgh Live: Comedy365
Date: July 25, 2008
Title: Chickenflaps
Download the show: Episode 21

When last we heard from the musical "wing" of the Sowerby & Luff comedy empire, the very Australian Rosie Koonunga-Hill was reciting comedy song credits and enthusiastically repeating the title of her program, Chicken-flayps, chicken-flayps!

OK, I'm picturing a chicken flapping its wings. Is that even funny? Or should I be hungry instead? Perhaps if the show had its own logo — of a chicken flapping its wings — I might be persuaded to laugh.

How about this image of a chicken sitting on some stupid moron's head? That's sort of funny. Seems like you missed an opportunity, Chickenflaps!

But alas, Chickenflaps is only an occasional production of Comedy 365, which exists primarily to further the careers of the lively and inscrutable S&L.

While Rosie's still introducing her old show, she's been replaced as writer and host by Richard Cray, an associate producer with Comedy 365. He pronounced this the "monstrous last episode in the present series of Chickenflaps."

Another feather in my cap

The program featured (Jerry Lewis) Fly Me To The Moon as well as a few more familiar comedy titles from the Podsafe Music Network.

Interestingly, S&L's Comedy 365 site includes a link to Todd Justice, with whom I once faced the indifferent open-mic crowds at Backdoor Comedy.

Todd, a tall, laconic Texan with Billy Bob Thornton-esque appeal, differed from most of the other acts in that he appeared to be persistent and funny, as opposed to merely persistent and eccentric. It's good to see he's still out there slingin'.

Monstrous:   (0:31).

 kturet at 9:40pm Mon, Aug 25, 2008. Posted in: Podcast Roundup

No Batman. Just! Comedy

Podcast: Dalecast
Dates: July 19, July 30, August 1, 2008
Titles: Show Number 308, Just! Comedy, Show Number 321
Download the show: Episode 308, Just! Comedy, Episode 321

It's Just! Comedy today on Dalecast. Not today, but several days ago, it was a Wednesday, actually, when host Steve Wheatley said, "Today, it's Just! Comedy. I'm tired of all those boring, non-comedy songs I usually play.

"And you know what? I need a laugh," Steve said. "Oh, you non-comedy performers get 364 shows a year when it's all about you. Don't worry, you'll be back tomorrow. Today belongs to the comedy people!"

Steve went on and on like that, arguing with himself, while listeners asked, "Is this supposed to be a music show? Or is this one of those podcasts where the host talks about the new Batman movie for an hour?"

No accent is safe

Now, I still have my old Batman comic books, but they're in an acid-free box in storage and I never look at them because they're supposed to pay for my retirement. What I do now is, I write entertaining comedy songs.

Besides, this new Batman is a British guy, and I don't like it. We're worried about Middle Eastern terrorists penetrating our defenses, and meanwhile, all these British actors have cleverly infiltrated our movies and television series, hiding behind their perfect American accents. I don't know about you, but I'm scared!

Anyway, I like to believe that I had something to do with the Just! Comedy movement on Dalecast. After all, Steve has played my songs hundreds of times over the past six months.

Ninety minutes of me

Frankly, I don't even know why he had to include all of those other comedy artists on this episode. He could have just played my songs and called the show Just! Turetzky. While my recorded oeuvre would not have filled the allotted 34 slots, Steve could have just played (Jerry Lewis) Fly Me To The Moon 34 times in a row, and I'm sure nobody would have complained.

But Steve did play three of my songs on this episode, and five in all on recent programs, including People I Know, Her Shit Don't Stink, (Jerry Lewis) Fly Me To The Moon, My Fat Ass Itches and Don't Really Matter.

Anyway, I'd think about that Just! Turetzky show, Steve. Heck, I don't care either way. All I know is Batman's a real American, from Gotham City, USA!

Idea: Just! Turetzky!   (2:10).

 kturet at 1:15am Tue, Aug 5, 2008. Posted in: Podcast Roundup

Featured act

It's my turn, FDM!SOM!

You know what? A lot of times when I attend the Free Dallas Music! Songwriters' Open Mic at the Half Price Books flagship store, I have to sit there like a lox in the Community Room and watch some other half-baked guitar player perform as the featured act.

All the attention's on that other person, not on me. He (or she) gets the girls. I don't get any girls.

Well, not this show, pardner. This show, I'll be the featured performer at FDM!SOM, from 7-9 p.m. CDT Thursday, August 7, at Half Price Books, 5803 E. Northwest Highway in Dallas. Call (214) 379-8000 for more details.

The other acts (including anyone else who wants to haul out your guitar, mandolin, keyboard, banjo or zither) get to play three lousy songs. I'm going to play, I don't know, maybe five or six songs.

Family show

Co-hosts are accomplished folkies Tom and Jenni Mansfield Peal.

Here's what Jenni wrote about this big, big event:

I'll be irreverent, all right, but respectful. Not because I want to be, but because the show is in a bookstore, and families visit bookstores, which means…sigh!…no Her Shit Don't Stink.

But it doesn't matter what I play, really. All that matters is that people will be watching me.

Nancy Moore in the Dallas Morning News GuideLive writes:

I'm a Pegasus Pick!

 kturet at 5:36am Thu, Jul 31, 2008. Posted in: Gigs

Shawno, Jen, call for end to gay rule

Podcast: Hyper Nonsense
Date: July 5, 2008
Title: America Day
Download the show: HN 118

California burned again this summer. But don't blame global warming, drought conditions and an abundance of dry tinder, said Hyper Nonsense co-hosts Shawno and Jen, who live in San Luis Obispo.

Blame the gays.

"This must be Jesus' punishing us," said Shawno, in a stark turnaround from his familiar, left-of-center political opinions. "You sure it's not God sending us a message for letting the gays get married?

I'll get you, gays!

"The gays! I'll get you, gays!" Shawno vowed. "When that finally happens, I'll know we've made some progress in this country."

"Yeah, probably," Jen agreed.

The podcast hosts, who are married to each other, went on to attack what they apparently see as a lesbian plot to impregnate themselves through sperm donors and populate the earth with "crazy bullshit armies."

"You know, you can only have sex for procreation and all of that kinda stuff," Shawno declared, with Jen insisting, "This is the majority of the United States' view!"

Shawno's diatribe grew in intensity.

"Lesbians can go borrow some sperm…."

"And that's what they want!" Jen chimed in.

Jen knows something

"These nutjobs can go out and have 20 kids. They can just keep building their crazy bullshit armies," Shawno continued.

"So why the hell are they getting so much say?" a frustrated Jen asked.

Finally, Shawno sighed. "Shit, we're never getting rid of these guys," he said, appearing to give up the fight.

But Jen picked up the banner, and with a chilling laugh, appeared to suggest knowledge of a plan to turn the tide against the crazy bullshit armies of married lesbian sperm recipients.

"Ha ha ha ha ha ha!" Jen cried. "Wrong!"

Chasing Keith and The Girl

So why this sudden reactionary outburst from the Hyper Nonsense duo?

Favorably compared in the past to old-line radio hosts Bob and Betty Sanders, could Shawno and Jen be struggling for traction against edgier male-female podcast teams such as Keith and The Girl and Dawn and Drew?

Audiences are shocked, shocked!

More Morris

I'm not a lesbian, so I don't really care. As far as I'm concerned, Hyper Nonsense redeemed itself with a fourth play (since its debut on HN 024 in August 2006), of my song The Ballad Of Morris The Cat.

And by the way, this entire post is satire. Sure, Shawno and Jen said all that stuff, but I cleverly edited their program in order to make them look like radical anti-gay California nutjobs.

But nobody ever reads this far into any of my blog posts, so I'm not worried about getting busted.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

We're gonna kill some terrorists, bitch!   (1:23).

 kturet at 4:40pm Mon, Jul 28, 2008. Posted in: Podcast Roundup, Hot Topics

Rev. Zack, podcast lonatic

Podcast: Comedy Music Cellar
Date: June 14, 2008
Title: CMC 23
Download the show: Episode 23 (Select download link)

On this episode of the Comedy Music Cellar, host Rev. Zack delivers an odd reading of his tagline, which comes out "Don't forget to open up your heart and let the lonacy in!"

Now, lunacy is a lonely business, I suppose, and the burden must weigh heavily on Rev. Zack. But who has time to analyze podcaster psychology?

The Rev. breaks another band

Nevertheless, our host holds the demons at bay as he maintains his alert for obscure comedy tunes. Here he introduces You Don't Give Me Hummers Any More by the Jukebox Sinners, a rockabilly outfit out of upstate New York with an affinity for unloved automobiles.

The Sinners are unknown for un-hits Roomful of MILFs, Hotrod Gremlin and Maverick. And you filk nerds might want to check out the Sinners' Galaxy Con. It's all about how silly you look in your funny sci-fi costumes!

This episode also features my very own (Jerry Lewis) Fly Me To The Moon, still rockin' those Podsafe Music Network Comedy charts.

Until next time, hang in there, Rev. Zack. Let the lunacy in, but don't let the lonacy win!

Let the lonacy in:   (0:43).

 kturet at 7:31pm Sun, Jul 27, 2008. Posted in: Podcast Roundup, Dementia

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