Podcast: Kahn Man’s Comedy Corner
Date: February 2, 2010
Title: Interview with Ken Turetzky!
Download the show: Episode 6-06

Tyrone Kahn (r) and subject

My pal Tyrone Kahn has a thing about profanity, at least where Kahn Man’s Comedy Corner is concerned, because he considers his monthly podcast to be family entertainment.

For example, Tyrone has created his own backwards version of the word shit, which he pronounces as yaish. Nobody’s the wiser, eh?

Farts are another story. On the phone, Tyrone farts frequently and without shame. “I can smell that one from here!” I tell him, while marshaling my forces for a return blast.

Surprisingly, until the new and very special episode of KMCC, Interview with Ken Turetzky!, I’d never heard Tyrone cut one in the studio. But that’s just what he did, at the 44:08 mark.

We’re talking about stuff of interest only to the geekiest of Demented comedy music fans — my influences, how I conceived and recorded various songs, blah, blah, blah — and then, passing without observation, a clearly defined, Tyrone Kahn fart.

Talking to the animals

Tyrone has distinguished his show from other Dr. Demento-inspired entertainment by veering away from Weird Al and toward the independent artists whose work is safe for podcast consumption.

He’s also conducted interviews with his favorite artists, with mine the latest in a series that includes Dino-Mike, Bob Emmett, William “Bud” LaTour, Wally Wingert and Odd Austin.

But oh, how I can drone on, much like my hero Jerry Lewis, in his serious moments. Hoping to rescue the interview and even lift my mood, Tyrone began to interject.

“And they’re not just goofy stupid comedy songs,” I whined at one point about my misunderstood oeuvre.

“They’re smart goofy stupid comedy songs!” Tyrone cheerily declared.

“I feel like I have niche audiences everywhere,” I lied moments later. “If I could just bring them together….”

“It would be a peaceful world!” Tyrone cried, completing my thought. “And there’d be no wars; everybody would be holding hands and just enjoying your music.”

Finally, Tyrone’s message of optimism and hope began to sink in. Sure, I might be a dull interview, but I’ve written some pretty good songs!

“When you listen to my music,” I concluded, “it’s impossible to hate America.”

“Yeah,” said my pal Tyrone. “Yeah.”

Extended playlist

Throughout the show, Tyrone broke up the conversation with my songs People I Know (Live in Terre Haute), The Ballad Of Morris The Cat, Today Was A Very Good Day, She Won’t Blow Me, (Jerry Lewis) Fly Me To The Moon, If They Found Me Dead and Her Shit Don’t Stink.

Her Yaish Don’t Stink  (0:01)

Don’t hoit me!  (0:03)

Tyrone lights one up  (0:02)

They’re smart goofy stupid comedy songs!  (0:14)

A peaceful world  (0:25)

Full interview  (24:51)

Related posts:

1. Tyrone Kahn keeps the faith with more Demented music
2. Whooo! Kahn Man drops Season 5 Finale
3. Tyrone sets Kahnmanapalooza, intros new Turetzky bumpers

Podcast: Big Phil’s Love Parade
Date: January 3, 2010
Title: Happy Fu&king New Year
Download the show: Show 219

While the rest of the country collapsed into a financial puddle during 2009, Big Phil’s Love Parade host Big Phil enjoyed a fine annual return.

He cranked out his raw, politics-and-porn Sunday night podcast on a consistent basis, held on to his thankless white-collar job, banned soy from his diet and trimmed down, dyed his bald head orange, and survived a spectacular Oklahoma City Christmas Eve blizzard.

New year, same old Bizarro Phil

Predictably, Big Phil’s alter ego followed an alternate track. In his first annual greeting to listeners, Bizarro Phil revealed that he partied in 2010 by “having sex without protection” with his “kinky girlfriend.” Further, he announced, “I will drop acid. I am smoking a bong, smoking pot.”

Finally, a clearly addled Bizarro Phil said (coining a phrase), “I am trying to put a show snovel of blow in my nose.”

And then he saw Jesus.

As a perverse but popular artist, Bizarro Phil also decided to support his pal Big Phil by recording a brief promo, or bumper for his favorite show.

“Of course, I am beatin’ my nutbag right now,” Bizarro Phil teased. “So watch out, ladies!”

Witty and intelligent

These contributions and more have made Bizarro Phil an audience favorite on Big Phil’s Love Parade. And so I was surprised yet proud when Big Phil chose to acknowledge not Bizarro Phil, but me, for my own contributions to the show.

“This man has done more to promote my podcast than I have!” he marveled.

Phil called me “A very talented guy“…”a very astute political observer”…”witty and intelligent.”

If only I was a movie, I’d splash that shit all over the bill.

Thanks, Big Phil. Back at you!

Phil’s been a great supporter of my music as well. During recent shows, he featured I Feel Bad – Live at Mayfest, Why Don’t You Get A Job – Live at Mayfest (twice), If They Found Me Dead – Live at Bill’s Records, True Love – Live at Bill’s Records, Why Don’t You Get A Job – Live at Mayfest and (Jerry Lewis) Fly Me To The Moon.

Happy New Year from Bizarro Phil!  (0:48).

This is Bizarro Phil  (1:36).

A very talented guy  (1:00).

He put a lot of work into that!  (6:03).

Related posts:

1. Big Phil out, Bizarro Phil in at Love Parade
2. Big Phil’s Love Parade: Big Phil brand could be in play
3. Big Phil’s Love Parade: Big Phil moves in

Podcast: Michael Angel’s Cosmic Grab Bag
Date: December 28, 2009
Title: Episode 114

If there’s anything I enjoy more than self-promotion, it’s promoting podcasters who devote substantial portions of their programs to talking about me.

I struck the jackpot with Michael Angel, host of Michael Angel’s Cosmic Grab Bag and benevolent overlord to a modest cohort of Halo Heads, which is the name he gives to the people who download his podcast.

All it took was a few careless lines of criticism in the old Podcast Roundup, and Michael gushed buckets about my own perceived talent as a media provocateur. Takes an unchecked ego to know one!

As a result, Michael bestowed “featured artist” status upon me, replaying my song (Jerry Lewis) Fly Me To The Moon and adding The Ballad Of Morris The Cat for good measure.

Journalism is dead

“Ken, you nailed the essence of me,” Michael said upon reading my review in its entirety.

“Hey, Ken, I think you’re a great musician. But if you ever decide you don’t want to do that any more…Just writing op-ed pieces in a paper. I mean a big, major paper. Cause you got a talent, man; you got a way with words.”

How about that? Michael’s suggesting if I give up on one brutal, thankless career, I can go back to the brutal, thankless one in the dying industry I left behind. Thanks, Mike!

He kindly declared my Fly Me To The Moon “a classic” but lit up like a kid on Christmas while reading back his own words, as reproduced on my blog.

“It’s weird hearing a review of your show and having somebody see you through their eyes and what you seemed like. He nailed it; what can I tell you?”

Do the right thing

I’m just following the philosophy of Michael Angel, who closes each and every show with this benediction:

“I want you all to be good humans. Do something wonderful for somebody just because you can. And just because it’s the right thing to do, man. It’s great karma. And it will never ever, ever steer you wrong.”

You got a talent, man  (7:21)

Related posts:

1. To all the wonderful ladies
2. Knitting Time Together: Stuffed Morris
3. Bizarro Phil drops acid, sees Jesus

Podcast: Michael Angel’s Cosmic Grab Bag
Date: October 22, 2009
Title: Episode 96

It’s always a joy to hear others rediscover, through my own mahvelous interpretation, the ecstasy of an uninhibited Jerry Lewis performance.

To think that a poor Jewish kid who came from nothing, the urchin who danced in the street for pennies just to maintain his Ripple habit — I’m talking about me now — would achieve podcast accolades by emulating someone far more talented than himself, is indeed humbling.

Now, Michael Angel is just the latest podcaster to enjoy a little reflected thrill by playing my very Jerry cover of a Sinatra classic.

Did you ever wonder?

“Did you ever wonder what it would be like if Jerry Lewis did the song Fly Me To The Moon?” Michael asked during a recent episode of Michael Angel’s Cosmic Grab Bag. “I’d like to dedicate this song to all the wonderful laaaaa-deeeeees!“

And just as I paid my own tribute to a comic genius, Michael observed Vegas protocol as he extended sincere accolades to me.

“Yep, that’s what it would sound like if Jerry Lewis did that tune. Ken, you nailed it, man. I don’t like everything Jerry Lewis ever did but I gotta tell ya, hearing him sing anything like that makes you crack up!”

Cult of the Halo Head

Michael’s a picture of self-promotion, describing his Dallas-based program as “the best unknown podcast on the net!” He claims about 850 subscribers.

His listeners are “Halo Heads,” who gather ’round their iPods as the laid-back host talks holiday shopping or his particular obsession, Barack Obama, then reaches into his “Cosmic Grab Bag” to select another tune.

Better get those episodes while they’re hot, as Michael does not keep a deep archive, deleting his old shows, and even his playlists, every week or two.

I recommend the Cosmic Grab Bag. Why wouldn’t I? Michael Angel digs my Jerry Lewis impression. Check it out!

You nailed it, man!  (01:46)

Related posts:

1. You nailed the essence of me
2. Big Phil’s Love Parade: You don’t know Jerry Lewis
3. The Write Stuff and Power Ogg: Robert G Parent loves to dance

Podcast: Schnauzer Logic
Date: November 18, 2009
Title: Episode 68
Download the show: Episode 68

I call it a stage persona, you call it a bad first impression.

Gotta admit, though, that I just can’t help myself. The invitation to appear on a rare episode of Schnauzer Logic flips my joke-writing switch and starts me churning out the sort of dark, political, Yiddische commentary I would have hoped to read at Lenny Bruce’s memorial service.

Alas, once the show begins, I realize I’m expected to engage in conversation with a panel of literate grownups, all born too late for What’s My Line? and too smart for radio, but perfect foils for the independent new medium of podcasting.

Confoundingly, though, I tend to treat a Schnauzer Logic interview like an open mic. A fresh line is dangled before host Robin Diane Goldstein and the panel. A restless silence follows. I scribble a note on my steno pad. iTunes subscriptions are canceled as once-loyal listeners flee.

Welcome back!

What I’d hoped for was more of the host’s generous, giddy laughter, unheard since April 19, 2008, in this first episode of SL since Robin placed the show on hiatus to deal with pressing medical issues.

But then that loser character — merely a theatrical exaggeration of some vague neurosis that once flitted through my otherwise untroubled mind — came back to bite me in the id.

Workshopping a new comedy bit, I kvetched to Robin about a woman who drunk-dials me to complain that I refuse to stalk her like all her other ex-boyfriends.

Well, said Robin, explaining the terrifying silence that followed, “the first thing that’s surprising is that you have an ex-girlfriend. Your songs don’t lead one to believe that you would have a rich and rewarding romantic life.”

I see now my amusing comedy persona has consumed itself, like a snake eating its own tail. Unless it wasn’t a persona, and it was really me all along. I’m so confused!

At least I still have those uncomfortable silences! They’re pretty funny. Right?

To illustrate her point about my poorly socialized personality, Robin played my unreleased song, Let Love In.

Hits and misses

Nevertheless, I managed to unleash a few sparkling comedy zingers:

Nobel committee vindicates ‘Albert Schwartzer’ crack  (0:26)

No gigs for Parviz. Can I open?  (0:17)

I reject the fake audiences  (0:19)

I’ve written a song that even makes me cringe  (0:42)

David Carradine has spoiled suicide for everyone  (0:27)

I’d hate myself even if I wasn’t Jewish  (0:24)

A rich and rewarding romantic life — not  (0:34)

Obama doesn’t look a bit Hawaian  (0:20)

I refuse to compromise  (0:25)

I’ll see you in hell!  (0:15)

Reaching out to Robin  (0:22)

Full interview  (43:47)

John DeKoven is America’s funniest neocon  (0:14)

Related posts:

1. Schnauzer Logic: Conversation with Ken
2. Schnauzer Logic: Observations from the downslide
3. Schnauzer Logic: Summer of Not So Much Love

Podcast: The One Minute How-To
Date: December 17, 2009
Title: How To Write Stand Up Comedy
Download the show: Item No. 426

What? You funny?

Honestly, I expect that reaction. Who made this nudnick the spokesmodel for stand up? By what authority is some would-be, who’s never been closer to a Comedy Central special than his TV remote, now the go-to guy on getting laughs?

Well, there’s your first lesson in show business: You don’t have to be good. You just have to know somebody. And I know George Smyth.

My dear, dear friend George recently asked me back to The One Minute How-To podcast to deliver a 60-second lecture entitled, How To Write Stand Up Comedy.

Bringing the funny

And why shouldn’t George call? I’m ratings gold. My two previous entries for the series, How To Write A Funny Song and How To Perform For An Audience, have attracted more than 20,000 downloads.

George says OMHT has collectively logged 3.7 million downloads since its inception in April 2006.

Fact is, I think I have learned something during my weeks and weeks in comedy about making people laugh. In one minute of magic, here’s what I told George:

Related posts:

1. One Minute How-To: How To Perform For An Audience
2. The One Minute How-To: All of a sudden, I know something
3. The Write Stuff: Ballad Of Morris The Cat

Podcast: Bugcast
Dates: March 27 and April 10, 2009
Titles: Episode 54, Episode 56
Download the show: Episode 54, Episode 56

Dave Lee probably figures he’s built a solid foundation of work and a loyal audience over 65 weekly episodes of the U.K.-based Bugcast.

I, on the other hand, have absolutely nothing invested in the chat-and-music program, and see Dave’s archive as a soundbed of coughs, sighs, belches, grunts and assorted exclamations I can combine with a few non-sequiters to completely mischaracterize his intent.

In other words, I’ve alienated another podcaster who foolishly played one of my songs (The Ballad Of Morris The Cat, on Episode 56).

On the other hand, Dave’s show is much, much funnier now!

I just can’t help myself

But to quote another long-suffering podcaster pal of mine, Big Phil, That is what I do. That is my job. Very glad to help you.

Dave’s show (recorded live most weeks) and site are remarkable for their consistency and domesticity. Kids sent off to bed for the evening, he plays an eclectic mix of music, greets the fans in the chatroom, bemoans his latest speeding ticket, introduces his wife as she wanders by the microphone, reads listener feedback, comments on news from the BBC.

He coins charming phrases. “This has prompted a bit of a chatty on the chatroom,” Dave says.

He’s controversial. “I think we are naturally a race of survivors, not of killers.”

Show notes are promptly and meticulously updated, including both links to musical artists’ sites and music source (generally podshow.com).

Thanks to Colin of the Ourobouros podcast who, while he has wisely never played any of my music, did recommend me to Bugcast.

And Dave, don’t even think about taking a lozenge before you start your show. I can get talk and music anywhere. But that hacking cough is comedy gold!

This is a happy show, isn’t it?  (0:32).

I haven’t played Ken Turetzky, myself  (2:05).

Related posts:

1. Comedy 365: We ask the tough questions
2. Mad Music Comedy Zone: DT introduces my new song (wink, wink)!
3. Dalecast: Steve won’t stop playing my songs

Seems like its only been a century since Tyrone Kahn took up podcasting, but he’s actually concluded two seasons of the Kahn Man’s Comedy Corner.

As the Season 5 (including three seasons streaming on the Live365 network) Finale drops on iTunes, the excitable Kahn Man is already planning new business for his return in September.

Tyrone Kahn interviews Raymond and Scum’s Jeff Smith

For one thing, the Season 6 opener will introduce Tyrone’s latest single. Can’t tell you the title, but think Beatles parody, following his 2008 mega-hit Let Me Pee.

Also listen for an exclusive interview with voice artist Wally Wingert, known for his appearances on the Family Guy animated series.

10,000 downloads

Tyrone played several of my songs this season, including People I Know on the Season 5 Finale.

His show’s a hit! Following its debut in September 2007, the KMCC podcast has recorded more than 10,000 downloads (covering its first 39 episodes). Not bad for a comedy music show host who counted his weekly streaming radio listeners on both hands and feet, with his eyes and ears thrown in.

Don’t ask me why Tyrone counts that way. He just does. Now that he has a podcast, Tyrone can hardly count all his listeners. I have to help him!

Along with iTunes, listeners can find KMCC on Gcast or subscribe to the show’s FeedBurner feed.

See you in September, everybody. And as the Kahn Man says, “Keep laughing!”

We made it to Episode 20! Whooo!  (0:44).

Related posts:

1. Kahn Man’s Comedy Corner podcast edition set to debut
2. Tyrone Kahn explodes some myths
3. I’ll Get Old And Die breaks on Kahn Man’s Comedy Corner

Podcast: Comedy365
Date: February 17, 2009
Title: Chickenflaps, Episode 28

The veil has come off, and we now know that Rosie Koonunga-Hill, the voice behind the curious Chickenflaps intro, is none other than the female half of the unknown U.K. comedy team Sowerby and Luff, Georgina Sowerby.

“Originally hosted by Georgina Sowerby’s foul-mouthed Aussie alter-ego Rosie Koonunga-Hill, Chickenflaps is now produced and presented by Richard Cray. The show features the very best comedy songs from around the Internet…,” reads the Chickenflaps page on the re-designed and now nearly impenetrable Comedy 365 site.

Still don’t know why the show’s called Chickenflaps; still don’t care.

However, I’m generally pleased to report my third appearance on Chickenflaps (See Comedy 365: We ask the tough questions and Stop flapping; it’s not funny), the second with Richard Cray as host.

Those funny, funny Brits

From its mysterious title to its colloquial jokes and references to obscure publishers of romance novels, Chickenflaps is a fount of idiomatic entertainment.

Here’s this episode’s description, which I filed away before Comedy 365 wiped much of Chickenflaps’ history off the Google map:

Cray works from a script  — and most importantly, pronounces my name correctly, even if the producers misspelled it — and the show’s overall sound is professional, if not spontaneous.

“Love is in the air,” he says. “Not in a fluffy Valentine’s way. More in an obsessional and murderous Jerry Springer girlfriend-you’re-a-werewolf or some other kind of fictional creature way. None of your gushy American Idol star ballads on this show, folks, no!”

The menacing playlist includes my song, True Love (Live at Bill’s Records).

Fluffy valentine  (1:03).

Related posts:

1. Comedy 365: We ask the tough questions
2. Chickenflaps: Stop flapping; it’s not funny
3. Mad Music Show: Cap’n Wayne cries poop, dooms culture

Podcast: Poddycast
Date: November 20, 2008
Title: Episode 4

If only I’d gotten there sooner. I could have written a little something, promoted Marc’s show a bit, and perhaps Poddycast would still be with us.

But the U.K.-based podcast ceased production in January after 21 episodes, and its old domain returned to the soil, yielding only a 404 error.

Marc (I never got a last name) founded his show with the help of Dalecast host Steve Wheatley. From the beginning, however, Poddycast was beset with technical problems.

Although the program featured a strong intro and decent production, Marc’s nearly inaudible segues created a jolting contrast. Emphatic delivery aside, he sounded as if he were calling in his part from a submarine. And perhaps he was.

No accounting for taste

For the sake of history, please enjoy this brief segment from Episode 4, featuring my song Her Shit Don’t Stink, Live at Bill’s Records.

Betraying his bad taste, Marc also played Ben Twisted‘s odorous alt-rock Vasectomy song.

That’s all, folks!  (0:55).

Related posts:

1. Dalecast: From hi-fi to history
2. Hyper Nonsense: Still whoring
3. Dalecast: Wheatley makes the cut